Your Unexpected Journey

     A lifetime of memories has pushed much of my early childhood out of my mind. Only a few memories are left of my Aunt Kathy’s house save some blurry images of warm summer afternoons, the thick blueberry patch, and my cousins’ Lego collection. What my father lacked in a college education he made up for with his unwavering work ethic, but still, a blue-collar factory worker could only bring in so much money, so my mother would clean houses for a few friends and family to help make ends meet. Before I was in school, mom would cart me around from house to house, but I didn’t mind, especially when we went to Aunt Kathy’s. Her country ranch-style home was more modern and much less cluttered than our home. It was fun to feel the thick carpet underneath my toes and listen to the cows bellow in the neighboring field, but the best part of Aunt Kathy’s house was her overflowing cereal cupboard.

    With a bowl and spoon in hand, I would look up at what seemed to be hundreds of boxes of cereal and these were not the generic store-brand bagged cereal I was used to. Aunt Kathy’s cereal came in name-brand colorful boxes! Characters like Count Chocula, the Trix Rabbit, and the Lucky Charms Leprechaun smiled and seemed to call out to me as I had only seen these characters in the commercials. Sometimes I would find an unopened box with a toy inside and Aunt Kathy would gladly tell me to keep it. After I made my careful selection, I would take my soggy sugary treat into the living room with my mother warning me not to spill. 

    It was during these weekly visits to my aunt’s that I discovered many of my favorite movies on VHS. Our home collection of VHS tapes consisted of used yard sale finds and taped-over TV specials. Newer releases were something for other people to enjoy and my older cousins had quite the selection of exciting movies: Star Wars, Alien, Jaws, The Dark Crystal, Short Circuit, and Back to the Future, just to name a few. I would use the VHS tape rewinder that sat on its own shelf next to the TV (I was definitely not in Kansas anymore), and with a pop, the VCR opened and was ready to send me on an adventure. I would have to remind myself to blink and wipe the milk off my chin while my mother busied herself with mopping or some other useless grown-up activity. No matter, I had everything a five-year-old needed: Sugar-infused breakfast cereal, a soft couch, and an endless supply of celluloid wonderment. 

    Usually, right about the time the final battle was about to conclude, Mom would holler she was done and I had to pick up my spot on the couch. I would whine and beg Mom to stay a little longer to finish the movie, but this was to no avail and I was forbidden to ask Aunt Kathy to borrow any movies. “No, Rod! You’ll just have to finish it next week when we come back.” “Fine!” I would protest as I put on my scuffed-up grey Velcro shoes. The next week would be the same story, a run to the wall of cereal, the whirling of the VHS rewinding, and the soothing voice of “and now our feature presentation,” trumpeting through the wooden box TV speakers. 

    On one trip to Aunt Kathy’s I was filing through their stack of movies and I realized I had watched almost all of them. I was ready for something new, so I dug in the back and found a copy of the old animated movie, “The Hobbit.” Being I was so young and JRR Tolkien’s work was no longer mainstream, I had never heard of a hobbit, but the cartoon images of wizards, goblins, and of course, a dragon, piqued my interest. As the story began, I became more and more captivated by the characters, their plight, and the seemingly impossible journey. I loved the quaint and quiet lifestyle of the hobbit Bilbo, the ridged seriousness of the dwarves, and the kind yet powerful presence of Gandalf the wizard.

    I saw myself in many of the characters. Bilbo loved his home, a cool breeze on a summer afternoon, and a hot meal by the fireplace. The dwarves were driven, hard workers, who would risk life and limb to reclaim their home from the dreaded dragon Smaug. Comically, the grey wizard towered above his company, and his voice would thunder and boom, but in the quiet moments, he was as gentle as a grandfather. I fell in love with the characters, desired to see them succeed in their quest, and wanted to join them in battling their way through goblins, fearful men, and giant spiders. As with any man or woman who decides to tackle all life has to offer, I quickly learned that if I was going to be victorious in my own adventure, I too would have to fight against my own dangers and many of them turned out to be fierce dragons. 

    On a hot summer afternoon in 1929, JRR Tolkien was grading papers in his Oxford University office. JRR despised grading papers and in disgust, he flipped an essay over and scribbled, “In a hole in the ground, there lived a hobbit…” JRR thought differently than most and would often write phrases or statements without knowing where his writing was leading him. He thought to himself, “What is a hobbit and why does he live in the ground?” This began Tolkien’s journey through Middle Earth and in 1937 “The Hobbit” was published and became an immediate hit. Today, The Hobbit has sold over 100 million copies, has been translated into 50 different languages, and is the 8th best-selling book of all time, just ahead of Tolkien’s friend CS Lewis’ “The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe.”

    Tolkien went on to write his trilogy, “The Lord of the Rings” and as the story was not yet completed, impatient readers would call his home and office asking if Frodo would be successful in his quest. The year I graduated high school, movie director Peter Jackson released his first of 3 movies bringing Tolkien’s epic to the silver screen. Jackson’s Lord of the Rings movies became the most-awarded trilogy of all time by earning 37 Oscar nominations with 17 wins. Jackson later brought the less celebrated Hobbit trilogy to life and when it was released Denny’s Restaurants ran a Hobbit promotion with a limited-time Hobbit-style menu. Of course, my young son and I made an evening of it and enjoyed a hearty supper and a great movie. It was a joy for me to watch both my son and daughter fall in love with the same characters I met while eating cereal on my aunt’s couch. 

    Even though the production was nothing to compare to the newer movies, the crude animation of Rankin Bass’ 1970’s Hobbit and Lord of the Rings still enamored my imagination. Unlike my heroes in the Superman and X-Men comics, these characters were a little more my speed. Middle Earth was home to many different races of people: dwarves, hobbits, men, and orcs, but none had special powers or fantastic abilities, save some of the wizards’ magic. Those that were called to grand adventures and great feats were just common folk. Bilbo, the humble hobbit and main protagonist was small, weak, and not very brave, and yet he set forth on an impossible journey, faced the most terrible foes, and even took on a dreaded dragon.

    Bilbo and his nephew, Frodo were just simple people who did amazing things and made me feel like I could one day be on my own fantastic journey. I didn’t have to be Superman or a mutant with special abilities and still life was inviting me into adventures. I could be myself and that was enough. This realization was exciting but also terrifying because there is a looming question that still echoes in my mind today: do I have what it takes? When life beckons me into the wild, into some new idea, project, or venture, will I have what it takes to handle the task? Simply being alive has its own set of dangers, but when someone decides to take on more than just existing and risks thriving, the dangers multiply out of all expectations. 

    There is a scene in Peter Jackson’s Hobbit where Gandalf tells Bilbo, “The world is not in your books and maps. (as he points to a window) It’s out there.” In protest, Bilbo asks, “And you promise I will come back?” Soberingly, Gandalf replies, “No, and if you do, you will not be the same.” This is why so many people say, “no,” to new challenges. They get comfortable in their homes, soft chairs, full refrigerators, and weekend hobbies. Like Bilbo holed away in the side of a hill with gentle smoke rising out of a warm hearth, they watch shows and movies about heroes and adventures all the while missing out on their own. A person is unwilling to change when they cannot see the benefit or result of their investment. Our imaginations can be a powerful tool and will either flood our minds with potential failures and pain, causing the person to shrink back into their cave, or the same imagination can paint dreams and goals that motivate and encourage a brave person to keep pushing forward. 

    Bilbo was afraid and yet he ventured forth and did what he felt was right. This was the first lesson I learned from my heroes in Middle Earth: true bravery is not the absence of fear, but choosing what is right in spite of fear. This is what we call true courage. In the 90’s, a slogan became popular and could be found on back windshields of trucks and on kids’ trapper keepers that read, “No Fear.” Thankfully, this slogan has gone by the wayside and has lost its popularity. No Fear always annoyed me as I felt it portrayed the wrong message. Not having any fear implies one of two things: either you lack a proper perspective of your adversary, or you believe you cannot move forward until fear is completely eliminated. Both options are unrealistic and a poor way to go through life. 

    I have found a much better slogan to live by is, “Fear Not.” Interpreted correctly, the adventurer sees their adversary for who or what they truly are and decides to prepare and take on the challenge even though they still feel afraid. Healthy fear is when you recognize the potential harm that could occur if the obstacle influences your life and you prepare for it appropriately. A bear, a bully, or a boss has the potential to do “harm.” We fear a grizzly bear because she could rip us apart. We avoid or stand up to bullies because we see they may attempt to take advantage of us… or our lunch money. We sit up straight and focus on our work when the boss comes down the hall. In the 1950s, Walt Disney would drop by his animation studios to inspect the work being done and his animators would whisper to warn each other that the boss was coming, “Man in the forest… man in the forest,” borrowing from the classic Bambi movie.

    The words fear and respect can often be used interchangeably. If we do not respect a bear, a boss, a teacher, or a dragon we will not fear it appropriately. Healthy fear is balanced. Not too much, which could become paranoia, and not too little, which could lead to apathy. For some, just the thought of a potential danger sends them running for the hills. To avoid this self-imposed pitfall, we need to be willing to see life as it really is, evaluate the actual potential danger, and our ability to impact and overcome the obstacle. I knew a mother who was so afraid her young children would contract some illness or infection from the “outdoors” that she made them wear disposable rubber gloves when they would play in their own backyard. Sadly, these children didn’t know the difference between real and false dangers because they were taught EVERYTHING was dangerous.

    A King Cobra loose in your house is a much greater risk than a pet Garter snake in an aquarium, but some people would react the same way to both. Phobias are one thing, but the issue is when people react to all of life’s potential dangers as if the King Cobra is loose, when in fact it's a harmless Garter. Lions, tigers, and bears are all dangerous in their own right, but there is a big difference between an old lion at a zoo and a young lioness hunting the wild Savana. We buy balloons and ice cream for our children at the zoo, but we would be in the fight of our lives if we found ourselves lost in a jungle. Just because there is potential danger in the world does not mean we live in constant readiness.

    If you are going to be successful and have victories in your life, you will be required to move forward even when you’re afraid. Sometimes to simply keep going is your greatest victory. It’s so tempting to give up or go back especially when fear grips our hearts. In the climax of Bilbo’s quest, he finds himself alone in a dark tunnel, listening to the heavy breathing, smells of sulfur enter his nostrils, and the radiating heat from a sleeping dragon touches his cheeks. Tolkien tells us of the internal battle Bilbo has with his fear before laying eyes on the dragon:

                                                            “It was at this point Bilbo stopped. Going on from there was the                                                                 bravest thing he ever did. The tremendous things that happened                                                                 afterward were as nothing compared to it. He fought the real                                                                     battle in the tunnel alone before he ever saw the vast danger that                                                                 lay in wait,” (The Hobbit, Tolkien, 1936).

We all find ourselves in scary dark tunnels at times. Life has a way of demanding the most of us when the greatest rewards are right around the corner. We know the dangers we faced in the past, but we have yet to face the dangers ahead. It’s in these moments our character is truly tested. Like Bilbo, we’re faced with two options: either stop and go back, or press on. Turning back may save us from some immediate pain, but we also give up whatever potential treasure our dragon could be sleeping on. To give up the danger and is to give up the reward. Do we take steps back, or do we press on and face the dangers that life offers? This is the question that separates successful people from those who waste their potential. Comfortable people are filled with regret as they think back to the times they abandoned their quests, turned and ran, and refused to even look upon their dragons, let alone fight against one.

I am not saying being brave means we shut off our brains and blunder into every danger. No, we need to be aware of what dangers there could be and how to best prepare for them. When I lived in Alaska I had to have a good sense of what dangers the Great White North could offer… and when. During the wintertime, bears were not a danger because they were tucked away in their dens, but springtime was a completely different story. One Alaskan spring the salmon run was late coming into the interior rivers and the hungry bears were becoming restless and started to look for other food sources. The hungrier they got, the more brazen they became nosing through garbage cans and taking the occasional pet dog. Sadly, a sixteen-year-old high school track runner was chased down and killed by a starving grizzly while he was competing in a trail race just outside town. The thing about danger is that it can truly be dangerous. 

When facing the dangers of life, we need to be well-educated and prepared for what could be lurking around the corner. My teenage kids and I love to explore different cities. We have been tourists in Chicago, LA, Charlotte, Detroit, and Cleveland to name a few. None of which we took lightly as “safe playgrounds.” I was sure to do plenty of research, on how the public transportation worked, and if there were areas to avoid with teens. Because I recognized there were potential dangers, I was well-informed, aware of my surroundings, and stayed on my planned course. This allowed us to enjoy what these cities had to offer and avoid common pitfalls.

Back in Alaska, I had a friend from NY visit during the nice summer months. I wanted to show him the beauty of Alaska, so I gave him some pointers and advice on clothing, basic supplies, and good footwear. On our first day together I took him to Denali National Park to see some amazing mountain views. On one of the pull-offs, he jumped out of the car and started tromping off the trail and through the brush and brambles, which wouldn’t have been an issue, but against my advice, he was wearing flip-flops and shorts. “Ow… OWWWWW!” he hollered as he daintily retreated back to the car. Looking down at his scratched-up and bleeding feet, I couldn’t help but say, “Bro! I told you to wear good shoes!” My friend didn’t fear Alaska the way he should have. He didn’t respect the wild and Alaska gave him a good reminder not to go bumbling into places without the proper fear. 

At the same time, experiencing pain and hardships does not always mean we’re on the wrong path. Most of the time pain is inevitable as part of the process of growth and a requirement to be victorious over challenges. The greatest life stories include the greatest hardships. Every epic adventure story is filled with perils and hardships the heroes had to overcome. When Gandalf beckoned Bilbo to join him and the dwarves on their adventure, he first said, “No.” It wasn’t until he woke up to an empty and quiet house that he realized his mistake and out the front door he ran. I have counseled men and women who stayed at home trembling in fear when they should have ran toward their destiny. The easier path might be easier, but it will often be emptier. Maybe it’s time for you to get up and run out your door toward something you have been avoiding. Maybe fear has gotten the best of you and it’s time to put fear in its proper place. Maybe like Bilbo, it's time for you to say, “I’m going on an adventure!”

As you go, please allow me to make you aware of some hardships you can avoid. As I said before, before going on your adventure spend a lot of time learning about where you will be going, and what you want your end goal to look like. Ask yourself, “What do I think the best steps will be to get there?” All the while staying flexible as unexpected obstacles are sure to pop up. How much will this cost me in time, energy, and money? Am I capable of tackling such a project and if not, could I gain the ability in a reasonable amount of time? Before breaking ground on building my house in Alaska I made sure I had the finances lined up, the timeline was reasonable, and I had the support of other builders to lean on if I ran into trouble. When I decided to go into counseling I researched which schools offered the degrees I wanted within the price range I was comfortable. Only when I had these answers did I “sign on the dotted line.”

Another hardship that can be avoided is listening to the wrong people or the right people at the wrong time. When you decide to go on an adventure, whether that is writing a book, getting your degree, building a shed, or painting a masterpiece, be careful who you tell or talk to about it, especially in the early phase. Well-meaning people can unintentionally lead you astray and your project may become delayed or even unrealized. When I took over a failing used furniture business I had to contend with long-time employees who had a hard time redirecting away from how things had been done before even though it was clearly not working. Maybe it was puffed-up egos or shortsightedness, but many employees did not waste opportunities offering advice, asking for concessions, or giving me the classic, “But that’s how we’ve always done it.” Even though many of the current employees turned out to be valuable team members, at first they stalled to launch with more productive ideas. It wasn't until they saw the increased sales and bonuses in their checks that they came around. 

The next pitfall you can avoid is “contagious failure.” Amazingly, it seems some people need to feel a pain for themselves before they’ll be convinced to change direction or consider a different approach. I tend to not like pain, so I try to learn as much as I can from the mistakes of others. For a few years, I worked as a pest control technician and one day a co-worker was cutting open a bottle of chemicals and his utility knife slipped and he sliced deep into his thigh with the chemical-covered blade. It was a nasty cut, he had to get stitches, but not before the chemical had to be thoroughly cleaned out of the wound. Ouch! The scary thing about this accident was that I had been opening my chemical bottles the exact same way. Needless to say, I changed how I opened my bottles and allowed my co-worker’s pain to be a lesson for me. If you see someone who is in financial, relational, or emotional pain there may be some lessons you can learn for yourself so you do not share the same fate. 

    The last hardship I would like to share with you is the pitfall of making emotion-based decisions. The issue is if a person makes decisions, especially those surrounding reaching a goal, based on their emotions they will probably not be very stable, which could easily lead to failure. This is because there will be many days, nights, weeks, and even months where you really don’t “feel” like working on your project or continuing on your journey. Not if, but when you feel too tired to keep going or discouraged to the point of giving up, this is when winners and losers are separated. Anyone can push themselves when they are feeling good, optimistic, and motivated, but what about when you feel bad, defeated, or depressed? Emotions are too much of a variable to depend on as a good source of direction. Our emotions can rapidly rise and fall and if we use them to guide our decisions, we will rapidly rise and fall as well. 

    One freezing Alaskan evening, I found myself sitting on a pile of lumber that would eventually make up the walls of my family home looking at the bare foundation and all the work that needed to be done. I began to fall into an emotional pit of despair. “What in the world am I doing? I’m not a builder. Why am I doing this? Am I trying to prove something? Is it too late to cut my losses and do something easier?” I sat on those boards for about five minutes, then stood up, picked up my hammer, and got back to work. Not because I felt better but because I chose to. I figured I was going to do what I thought was the most right and my emotions would just have to catch up. Those who reach their goals in life are not the most motivated, optimistic, or dependent on how they “feel,” but the most determined and disciplined. They get up and get going even when they don’t want to. Motivation is based on emotions, determination is based on the will. 

    If I was going to see my home built, it was going to be up to me. I had to dig deep and find the will to get out there when it was cold, when I was tired, and when materials were delayed. No one was going to do it for me. It was up to me, but this didn’t mean I was alone. Before saying, “yes,” to this adventure, I made sure I had the support of my family and those who had experience in building. I didn’t need someone to build the house for me, I just needed someone to reach out to if I didn’t know what to do next. I met a man at our church who had built many houses and was willing to be a listening ear. I can’t express how grateful I am for my builder friend as there were many times I would be looking at what seemed like a dead end, and I would call him, send him a couple pictures and he would give me multiple options on how to fix the issue. 

    If you are considering a new venture, struggling with something you’re going through, or just feel stuck in life, reach out to someone. You’d be amazed at how many people want to see you succeed. To find them, sometimes all you need to do is ask. Can you rely on everyone all the time? Of course not. People have their own lives and issues they’re dealing with but don’t fall into the trap of resentfulness or bitterness because someone wasn’t able to come to your rescue. There are people who can and will help when they’re able. With the right people by your side, any journey can seem a little less daunting. Walt Disney had his brother Roy, Henry Ford had Thomas Edison, and Frodo had his Sam. Sam could not carry the Ring of Power for Frodo, but he never left his side and Frodo would not have completed his journey without him. This connection is captured in a conversation between Frodo and Sam in Tolkien’s second book, The Two Towers:

                                                            “I wonder if we'll ever be put into songs or tales. Let's hear about                                                             Frodo and the Ring. And they'll say, Frodo was really courageous,                                                             wasn't he?” Sam says.                                                                                                                                    Frodo responds, ‘You've left out one of the chief characters -                                                                    Samwise the Brave; Frodo wouldn't have got far without Sam.’                                                                Thinking Frodo is joking, ‘Now Mr. Frodo, you shouldn't make                                                                fun; I was being serious.’                                                                                                                            Frodo pauses and reassures Sam, ‘So was I,’”                                                                                                                                                   (Tolkien, The Two Towers, 1954).

    So often we only see the successes of those who have “made it.” Stagnant onlookers assume successful people had everything handed to them or it just came easier to them. Recently, I was counseling a teen boy and his father, and we began talking about life goals, future decisions, and plans for their family. As we spoke the teen became quieter and seemed less interested in the conversation. Then, the young man exclaimed to his father, “You’ll never be like Uncle Rob! His life is perfect!” The room became quiet and a thick tension filled the air. His father’s brother was well-educated, had a successful career, and drove a sports car. In the boy’s mind, this meant that his uncle had a perfect life and didn’t face the problems his family had to deal with. Some of the boy’s understanding was correct, but very naïve. Life choices do affect life outcomes, but all the boy could see was a shiny car.  

    At the same time, anyone who has battled to the top of a mountain has become intimate with pain, disappointment, discouragement, setbacks, and even betrayal. They looked at a goal or a new venture, measured the cost, and set forth. The road to success is littered with dangers and pitfalls. A wise adventurer, entrepreneur, or someone who just wants to have some growth in their life realizes what renowned Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung said, “A tree that reaches Heaven has its roots in Hell.” If we are going to reach the highest good or great life achievements, we must be willing to face the most difficult truths and unpleasant experiences. Without sacrifice, there can be no victory. Like Bilbo, we will not always know what dangers we will face, but face them we must. Bilbo tells his young nephew, 

                                                            “It’s a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step                                                                 onto the road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there’s no knowing                                                              where you might be swept off to,”                                                                                                                                                          (Tolkien, Fellowship of the Ring, 1954).

I wish I was over-stating this concept as it can be sobering at best or cause abandonment of a dream at worst. As I have stated before, the reason I attempt to reach my target audience of young people is because there were things I was taught when I was young that helped me, and then there were things I wish I would have. This is definitely one of those I wish I would have been taught earlier. Part of deciding whether to enter into a project or goal is determining what the potential cost will be. If the cost is much greater than the accomplishment, then maybe I would switch or change my goal, or seek a different way of reaching a similar goal. Too often I jumped in too soon or ill-prepared and had to fight through the process much harder than if I had learned what the sacrifice was going to be in the beginning. 

We need more tower builders in the world. Every tower begins with a single brick. There is much wisdom literature found in the Christian Bible and the God-Man himself speaks about living life wisely when he says, “For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it?” (Luke 14:28, KJV). Counting the cost does not only include money, but time, energy, access to resources, knowledge, support, and the list could go on. The more you can prepare for your build, the better off you will be. So, what tower are you going to build? Is there a tower you stopped building and should get back to it? 

    Your tower isn’t going to build itself, but don’t think you need to build the whole thing overnight. It takes six months to grow a squash and one hundred years to grow an oak tree. What do you want to grow that will last? What tower are you going to build? What is your first or next brick to put in place? Is it a phone call, a talk with a mentor, finishing an assignment, or getting the grade? Be a tower builder! Be an adventurer! Be an entrepreneur! Be a writer! Be an electrician! Be a father. Be a husband. Be a mother. Be a wife. Be who you were truly meant to be and live out whatever purpose you find in yourself. Put fear in its proper place, count the costs, find your support, and leave a mark on this world that will be talked about for years to come.